


Elopement it is

by Sarah1281



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Humor, Pre-Canon, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/pseuds/Sarah1281
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leandra's parents don't react well to the news that she's planning on running off with an apostate no matter how many apostates Gamlen's run off with or how much of a romantic cliché the first meeting was. And Leandra had better not be pregnant...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elopement it is

There was a long silence after Leandra had finished explaining, in detail, what she wanted to do with the apostate in front of them.

"Tell me you're not pregnant, at least," Lord Amell said finally.

"I'm not pregnant," Leandra confirmed dutifully.

"Are you really not pregnant or are you just saying that because you want to spare my feelings?" Lord Amell asked. "Because if it's the latter then it's very sweet but the truth will come out soon enough and you're only delaying Malcolm's castration."

"…I'm not pregnant," Leandra said again.

"I could verify it for you-" Malcolm offered.

"If you get within three feet of my daughter when I'm in the room then I will not be held accountable for my actions," Lord Amell warned.

"Why does everyone care when Leandra's the one plotting to run off with an apostate?" Gamlen demanded. "She hasn't even left yet! This year I've run off with five!"

"Yes, but you didn't marry any of them," Lady Amell replied.

"I married all of them," Gamlen countered, crossing his arms in annoyance at the clear lack of attention his parents paid him.

"What's this?" Lord Amell said, temporarily distracted from his horror about Leandra. "You're a bigamist, son?"

Gamlen shook his head. "Oh, no. The templars eventually killed them all. One of them got possessed by a desire demon before she died, though, and let me tell you: best month EVER."

"I'm not sure if I should find that hot or disturbing," Malcolm confessed.

Gamlen shrugged. "Who says it can't be both?"

Leandra elbowed Malcolm in the stomach. "You'd better not find it hot."

"Of course not. It's completely disgusting," Malcolm was quick to assure her.

"That's better," Leandra said, accepting a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, the boy is clearly whipped already. That is a point in his favor," Lady Amell remarked.

"He's a Circle mage," Lord Amell burst out. "He'll have to live at the Circle!"

"Think of all the nights this will force Leandra to not be having sex with him," Gamlen suggested.

Leandra glared at him.

"What?" he asked defensively. "I'm trying to help!"

"That is true," Lord Amell granted. "And it would keep Leandra in Kirkwall if her husband was here. Just the same, what about children?"

"She might already be pregnant," Lady Amell reminded him.

"Not if Malcolm wants the ability to have other children she isn't," Lord Amell warned.

Leandra rolled her eyes. "Dad, if I am pregnant then it's a little late to be warning him, don't you think?"

"Perhaps," Lord Amell agreed. "But if I don't warn him then I can't watch him writhing. And besides, it's kind of rude to castrate people without letting them know first."

"And it's not rude to castrate people at all?" Malcolm asked skeptically.

"Not if the person in question is the bastard who impregnated my unmarried daughter," Lord Amell assured him.

Malcolm gulped. "What about the children?"

"Well, our family is already burdened by…" Lord Amell trailed off. "I can't say it."

"Magic," Gamlen helpfully supplied.

"Yes, that," Lord Amell said with a shudder. "Having a child with a mage already carries a reasonable risk of having a mage baby but with our family history, the risk is far greater."

"I would love my babies even if they were all mages!" Leandra said hotly.

"That's sweet, Leandra, but that just makes it worse," Lord Amell told her. "After all, if they are discovered to be mages then they will be ripped from your arms and sent to the Circle."

"And since the Chantry doesn't approve of family connections between mages, they probably won't even be sent to the Kirkwall Circle. You will never see or hear from your children ever again," Lady Amell added. "Is that what you want?"

There was a steely glint in Leandra's eyes. "Then I guess if I ever have any mage children I'll have to make sure they don't get caught."

"That's a nice sentiment but thoroughly impractical," Lord Amell scoffed. "Mages need training or else they're a danger to themselves and everyone around them."

"Yeah, just last week one of the girls in Lowtown – Amelia, I think – was revealed to be an apostate mage being sheltered by her family. She got possessed by a demon and killed seventy people, including her parents, before the templars stopped her. Her poor sister barely escaped with her life," Gamlen gossiped.

"Meredith, right?" Malcolm asked. "I heard she joined the Chantry."

"Now do you see why you couldn't just hide any mage children away? It's in no one's best interest," Lord Amell argued.

"I agree with that only in part," Malcolm declared. "Yes, magic has to be trained because otherwise accidental magic or an unintended possession could do a lot of harm but if we ever were to have apostate children then I would be more than qualified to teach them."

"But you'd be living at the Circle," Lady Amell protested.

Malcolm coughed. "Not all of the time," he said finally.

"This is all just hypothetical anyway," Leandra said with a meaningful look at Malcolm.

"Of course," he agreed hastily.

"Even if you manage to have all non-mage children or are okay with your children being taken or even successfully manage to hide them, they'll still grow up without a father," Lord Amell said, continuing his spiel about why marrying a mage was a no good very bad idea.

"No, actually, I'd be right there and eager to be a part of my children's lives," Malcolm disagreed.

"You'd also be locked in the Gallows," Gamlen pointed out.

"Not all of the time," Malcolm said with a sly grin.

Lord Amell's eye twitched. "Don't remind me. You know, you weren't even supposed to look at her. I'm pretty sure that I specifically mentioned that I didn't want you to even look at her the first time I saw you and on that request I sent for a healer."

"Well, she was my patient," Malcolm said innocently. "It would have been very difficult to heal her without looking at her. And, before you say it, doing it without touching her – which you also requested – would have been downright impossible."

"Okay, so maybe you might be right about it not being physically possible to heal her without making contact with her but that doesn't mean that you had to get involved with her!" Lord Amell thundered.

"Well no, I didn't have to," Malcolm admitted. "But that certainly was the best part of my job. Besides, how can you hate me for finding your daughter to be the most beautiful and wonderful creature in all of Thedas?"

"Easily," Lord Amell said dryly. "Because you didn't just appreciate her, you also got involved with her despite the fact that you're a mage and might have even impregnated her."

"I regret nothing," Malcolm said bravely.

"You will," Lord Amell promised.

"Besides, the whole 'patient falling in love with the person who saved their life' trope is so cliché that you can't have not been aware of the very real danger," Malcolm insisted. "I'm really not to blame here."

"That is true," Lady Amell remarked. "The first bit at least, not the second. That's why you were thinking of having them send over a female healer."

"Why didn't I follow through with that?" Lord Amell wondered. "It would have saved us all a lot of trouble."

"I believe you were worried that if the healer and Leandra started a lesbian relationship then there's no way you'd ever get grandchildren from her," Gamlen reminded him.

"Ah, right. Still, they couldn't get married, at least," Lord Amell said wistfully.

"It's legal in Antiva," Leandra said defiantly.

Gamlen rolled his eyes. "EVERYTHING is legal in Antiva."

"They can't get married here unless the Chantry gives its consent," Lady Amell pointed out.

Lord Amell brightened at this reminder. "True, very true. And they would never even DREAM of allowing a mage to marry an heiress when her wealthy and noble parents were so opposed to the idea."

Leandra shrugged. "I never wanted a big wedding anyway. Malcolm, let's elope."

"Sounds perfect!" Malcolm enthused. "I actually have a plan to get out of Kirkwall, you see…"

"I'm not going to just stand for this, you know," Lord Amell warned them. "Malcolm, I will inform the templars of your plan to escape and have them keep a far closer eye on you since you can't help but ravage poor defenseless teenagers."

"Dad, I'm twenty-three," Leandra said, rolling her eyes. "And I'm old enough to make my own decisions."

"Evidently not if these are the kind of decisions you'd be making!" Lord Amell said loudly, slamming his hand down on his knee.

"So in other words, it's fine if I make my own decisions only as long as these decisions are actually your decisions?" Leandra asked, unimpressed.

"That about sums up my position, yes," Lord Amell confirmed.

"And you don't see anything a bit absurd about that?" Leandra demanded.

"Not even slightly. Now, as for you young lady, you're not allowed to leave this house when you're not in the company of myself, your mother, or your brother that we actually trust," Lord Amell said firmly.

"That's not me, is it?" Gamlen asked glumly.

"Sorry, son, but frankly you seem like the type to invest in qunari cheeses," Lord Amell said ruefully.

"Hm…qunari cheeses. Now there's a thought," Gamlen mused.

"Don't you think you're being a little harsh on the girl?" Lady Amell asked.

Lord Amell tilted his head, considering. "Actually, no I do not. You see what she'll get up to if we turn our backs for five minutes!"

"It's her life, dear. We can give her advice and hope to the Maker she follows it but ultimately it is her decision," Lady Amell said gently.

"I…but…oh all right," Lord Amell gave in reluctantly. "I suppose that as an adult it's not legal for us to keep her here against her will anyway."

"Thanks mom," Leandra said softly.

"Keep in mind, if you do this then you will absolutely break my heart and I will never get over the disappointment," Lady Amell told her bluntly.

Leandra forced a somewhat shaky smile. "I, well, great."

"And now this is getting awkward. I'll meet you at the docks in thirty minutes," Malcolm told Leandra as he kissed her on the cheek again and then took his leave.

Leandra took one last look at her parents before heading upstairs to pack.

"Oh, where did we go wrong?" Lord Amell cried out the minute she was out of sight.

"It's not our fault," Lady Amell said firmly. "We just have to keep reminding ourselves of that."

"Hey, at least you still have me," Gamlen said brightly.

His parents ignored him.

"Fine," Gamlen said, glowering at them. "If anyone needs me, I'm off to go run off with my sixth apostate this year. Feel free to come after me if you actually notice."


End file.
